Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Mama, cuddle with me.

     Quietly I laid Little Man down in his crib and barely dared to breath as I backed out of the room. Then I heard, “Mama, 'cuddohl' with me.” Inwardly I groaned and outwardly I sighed. It had been a very long day and I was exhausted and needed some time alone. She had a rough day too, her budding personality and curiosity clashed with my attitude and fatigue mixed together. It had been a bad Mommy day of countless accounts of lost tempers and raised voices.
    “Mama, please will you 'cuddohl' with me?” I let a small groan escape and laid down beside my little 3 year old girl. She wound one arm around mine and used the other hand to stroke my face. It was as if the whole day had been forgotten when she said, “You’re my best mama.”
    Those words hit me hard. I had not been her best Mama today. I had not shown her the grace and love that Christ continually shows me. I had not shown her patience as she learns to navigate this world. I apologized to her for being harsh and not loving to her during the day. Then, I asked if she would forgive me. She did, and asked me to stay with her just a little bit longer.
    My hardened, exhausted heart had been softened, and I conceded willingly. How much longer would she ask me to cuddle? How many more nights would she stroke my face and hair and speak the words that I needed to hear? And how many of those nights would she beg me to spend just a little more time with her? She was growing so fast. I knew that before too long she would beg me to leave her alone and just give her some time to herself.
    I pulled her warm little body closer to me and used my hand to smooth her hair and touch her face. Taking in the feeling of her soft skin, and hearing her breathing patterns become steady. My little forgiver had fallen asleep, and I didn’t want to leave, even to have some time to myself. I silently prayed, thanking God for the sweet gift He had given me in her, and in Little Man. I pleaded for God to make me more like Him, to help my show His love to my little blessings. I thanked Him for the day, and looked forward to the chance to do better in the morning.